You are what you do

In America you are your job. When people ask “What do you do?” they want to know what you do to make money. I don’t make any money right now. So I’m waffling with my answers, picking from the following:

• Unemployed (accurate, but I’m not looking for a job)
• On leave (accurate, but it implies I’m going back after the leave is up - I’m not)
• I read and write (sounds like I’m in Kindergarten)
• Starting something up (true of anybody really)
• A gentleman (old school answer)
• Not working in Corporate America (too insulting)

I need something better.

Sometimes I feel like I am nothing. A lazy bastard, a slacker, wasting my life. Some of the time I feel like I’m engaged, driven and doing what’s important to me. I think my life is good. I am getting a lot of time with my family and more time with Jean than ever before.

There’s some decompression happening as I start to lose all the corporate reflexes and explore what I want to do. I get more excited each day. I want to spend each hour wisely and get annoyed at myself when I don’t.

At work I’d be happy when the week was over, except I’d be left with the feeling that another week of my life had passed without me doing anything I considered worthwhile.